Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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