Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
