Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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