I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Randomize
