New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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