I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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