There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
