He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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