Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
