I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
