Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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