she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize