I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
