I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
