You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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