You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
