is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
