Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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