That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
try to milk me bitch
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
