im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
