I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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