I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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