after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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