I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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