I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.