Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids