And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.