I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
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I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.