Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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