dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
