dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
