Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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