Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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