I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
