yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
