SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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