I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
