end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
