Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
