The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
