i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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