i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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