I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
