yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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