Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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