Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
