and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
