he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
