this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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