do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
