I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
