i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
