Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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