Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
