Screwed.edu
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
