So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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