You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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