it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
