I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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