3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
