im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
