Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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