Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
