I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When are your genitals available?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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