Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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