i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
