can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
