Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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