make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
