My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
