six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
