Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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