hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
