I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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