look no pants
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
