We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
